The Inner Sanctum

Phoenix Rising is the painting I wrote about awhile back on this blog.   This is my sanctuary where I practice Hatha Yoga.    It is very restful in this spot.

Stella and Sophia’s Garden

This photograph was taken last year.   It is my attempt to nurture one little spot in the west yard that is kind of wild and unruly.   The problem with having so much land, and so many beings to tend to is,  that it is really hard to maintain a laser focus on beauty at times.    This is an important lesson during the month of May (the month for lovers)  and when Mother’s Day, Wesak occurs.    All these often happen during  the solar cycle of Taurus.

The mother Mary statue was purchased over twenty years ago when my precious Sophia died of feline leukemia at a very young age.   She was such a dear kitty.   Since her passing I’ve never had an intimate relationship with a living being who would gaze into my soul so quite so profoundly.   With ABSOLUTE unconditional love which is really hard to pass up if you are a lover.   It was one of my darkest days to make that decision to euthanize her.   I didn’t have as much experience with death then, as I do now.   It shook me so deeply that I grieved HARD for over a year.   It’s astonishing that such a tiny one could shake up one’s life to such an extent.   It was fairly early during my time on the farm.  Her story was magical and ephemeral…..here now and gone almost in the blink of an eye in my life span.   I can still feel the hole in my heart.   I fight the urge  to sob as I write this.    She really set out to educate me about life and death in a way that I really had no idea what I was in for.   Nor that I would keep seeking to find that love again in many forms.

Stella is also buried in this area, she was a more recent addition but came to me in a similar way…..love at first sight, but she had depth too.    Sadly, it turned out to be another precious one gone on much too early.    I wanted to protect her and keep her with me for a very long time.   Alas that was not to be.   I have her two daughters with me now and I can see her in the two of them all mixed up in two little bodies.   Stella taught me some valuable lessons as well about neighbors, values, and right relationships.    We always have something to learn.  The lessons keep on coming if you remain ever present and open to them.   Not always easy these lessons and that is a gross understatement.

One might surmise that I was their Mother in physicality….but I think they taught me some things about Mothering that are far deeper than what I gave them while on their terrestrial earth walk.   So in some respects, they Mothered me, and continue to teach me about the deeper meaning of Motherhood.   I miss them both very much.