Night light

Link

Cytaux Press Release KSU

See the above link:  Kansas State University has come out with a report about the incidence of cytaux in Kansas.   It appears that they downplay the danger by stating the disease “can be fatal”.   To my knowledge it IS  fatal and there have been no known survivors of the disease in Kansas.

Today our beloved Chloe has been gone for 4 weeks.    I will forever miss her.   Ticks are not to be reckoned with in my opinion.

Three weeks now

Time takes on such a surreal feeling when you are grieving.    It seems so long ago.   Here is a cell phone picture of my dear Chloe.    Another one of her as my nurse in the healing room.  Aftrr the fall she sat on my feet for nearly 4weeks nonstop.   Goodness it breaks my heart to not have her quirkiness with me.

Chloe the healer at work

She was a constant companion to me during the winter while healing a broken fibula.    The cast sure cramped my style.   The kitties really helped me.

two weeks ago today

she took her journey back home.   When I think about it….well what can I say other than it seems almost too much to shoulder.   Grief is like that isn’t it?    Although I strongly believe it is very important to do the work.    At times I feel like my entire life has been about grieving.   I remember being a graduate student and having a professor say something very cruel to me.    It was in the middle of an annual review with other faculty.    I happened to be feeling particularly good that day.   He really lit into me in what seemed to be out of the blue.   One hurtful comment was “you don’t face your pain”   Now for some of you who have not taken a graduate course in the helping profession might find this an odd comment.    Therapists often have to examine themselves in the course of their study.   However, this was such an off the wall comment that it really took me back.    I could feel myself wanting to slide under the table.    When I look back on that day I remember very little about the content other than that phrase that didn’t fit.    My realization at the moment was that his anger,  directed squarely at me really had nothing at all to do with the current topic.    As I took my time and mulled it all over I came to the conclusion that maybe I am a little too close to my own pain?   He didn’t reside inside my head or walk in my shoes.   It became clear that his rage was inappropriate and misdirected.   Now mind you this is not to indicate that I was free of fault, he had a legitimate complaint with me in regard to my job as a graduate assistant.   The delivery and setting was all wrong.    That particular episode cost me about a year of reassessing whether or not I wanted to continue on with the degree.   It was excruciating to say the least.    Much of the time was spent in some kind of nebulous grief that I still cannot articulate.   I never ever want to appear to be a victim.  On the other hand part of being here on this earth walk is to be wounded and to learn to become whole again.   I suppose for me it is a life time of work.    I try to keep it private and perhaps people see me as aloof and uncaring.   Esoteric astrology has helped me so much and the Family Systems training I received only opened the gate.    The kittens however are the best teachers and healers.    It is so hard when they complete their mission here.

You might ask what does this have to do with the passing of a beloved pet.    Well having buried so many beloved animals in the past twenty years and having such a tumultuous life sometime one thinks that they just can’t do it anymore.   So the death of a pet really helps me face my own reality that I too one of these days am going to make that journey.   Lately I’ve been working on a bucket list of things I want to do before I go…but also simple business matters I want to have in good shape.    When my father passed away in 2003 and I spent much time in Kentucky with my Mother.   It seemed like in the month after his passing we got bad news everyday of things undone.   One horrible surprise that Dad thought he had “checked” the box that would take care of Mom and she would receive a pay check for the rest of her life.    My sister even went to vital statistics and looked at the form and could see the gray area.   The government didn’t really care so Mom got a lump sum which was rather small and now she scrambles financially to make ends meet.    I’d like to avoid bureaucratic errors of that nature.   My life has been so sloppy over the past 20 years of feeling like I camp out in my own home. Recently,  I thought I had lost a treasured photograph and had been looking for it for a couple of years. The good news is that I found it and want to use the picture here on my blog.   That said,  I realty hate to leave my messy life for someone else to clean up.    I feel like I could work on organization for the duration in this antiquated house.   Life in the country is charming…but it ain’t always easy.

Chloe (May 2007-May 30,2013)

Chloe was discovered in our local shelter in July 2007.   At first her sister caught my attention who was a tiny flame point Siamese.   I decided to have a hands on visit with the sisters.  Sitting in the visiting room of the shelter I noticed her unique coloration: a lynx point, lilac, snowshoe Siamese mix.    She was stunning.  Both were very sweet but Chloe spoke to me and connected in a way that other cat lovers know and  understand.   There are times when you meet an animal and you recognize them immediately.   So our life together began.   My dear husband (DH) didn’t even get a heads up.   I filled out the adoption papers on the spot and brought her home.   I was going through a particularly dark period in my life, not to mention we needed another cat like I needed a hole in my head.   I told myself and DH that she would be an outdoor kitty.   She was so tiny I took her to my rabbit building to keep her safe.   I couldn’t turn a baby like that out into the wild.   She was so fun to have around I started bringing her into the house and within about 2 days she became a full blown member of the  desperate house kitten tribe.